Humane Thinking - Introspection 2019

2019 is around the clock.

I would like to have a quick glance back of my own key takeaway this year.

How can one relate from above picture?

A giant elephant compared to the small dog, hard rain and an umbrella for the dog.  What is it there for the elephant and what does it feel to be the dog?

Picture paints thousand words.

Everyone has one own closure of the year.

I have never felt the urge to write down the most introspection like today, try to capture the biggest learning of the year - in the most appropriate wordings, as much as I can.  But I guess, writing it upright is the most sane.

I am not usually look out for respect.  It is not me at all. 

For you who know me long enough will understand what I mean.  But somehow this time, I learn my lesson.

One should have been selfish enough not to get hurt.

One should not be too kind to think of the "outer space".

Probably "respect" is not the right word.  It got spitted out unplanned when someone didn't even think how to appeal properly when she was the one expecting helping hands.   I remember my best friend said, "I am not thinking of respect, but more on how she will get the job done."

Moving forward, I will learn to improve myself.

This time round, I won't share any songs nor lyrics but more to pictures.  Guess they look better.

So here I have from my best friend, an alarm 😎

Welcome 2020 - time to move on, be a new someone.  So much that people will recognize the difference.

Good bye 2019!

Only Love Can Break Your Heart

...and I want to say. 
may you never steal, lie or cheat. 
but if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows. 
and if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life. 
and if you must cheat, then please cheat death.. 
because I cudn't live a day without you...

|When you were young
|And on your own
|How did it feel to be alone

+ Abi, apa kabar di sana? Aku kira aku akan senang pulang
ke rumah. Ternyata ada yang ketinggalan di sana.
- Aku baek-baek aja, Ta. Masih di sini, tungguin kamu 
kemari. Baek-baek ya, jangan bikin sungai coklatmu makin 
tinggi dan keruh dengan airmatamu.

Lita melipat surat Abi sambil tersenyum. Surat yang masih

tersimpan rapi walau sudah agak kuning bergaris tipis. 

24 tahun yang lalu belum ada hape, belum ada e-mail. 

kangen yang musti ditata rapi supaya tidak ketahuan hanya 

bisa dituliskan di kertas dan dikirim dengan pos kilat 

khusus. Lumayan, dalam seminggu setidaknya sudah bisa

mendapatkan balasan surat Abi. Dan liburan sebulan 

itu laksana hilang setahun.

+ Bi, minggu depan aku kembali yah.

- Baik, mo aku jemput di tempat seperti biasa dan 

jam yang sama?

Lita tidak keburu lagi menjawab surat itu.

|I was always thinking of games

|That I was playing

|Trying to make the best of my time

- Allow, Lit. Dah nyampe yah? Mo aku jemput sekarang?

+ Iya, Bi. Aku sedang sedih, aku perlu jalan sekarang.

- Ya, aku jemput. Aku jalan sekarang. Kamu tunggu 

di atas aja, Lit. Gak usah turun. Ntar aku nyamperin

ke atas. Kamu coba tiduran aja dulu ya.

+ Oke, aku tunggu, Bi.

....

|But only love can break your heart

|Try to be sure right from the start

|Yes, only love can break your heart

|What if your world should fall apart

- Udah dong, Lit. Matamu udah makin gede. Kamu makin 

cantik deh. Aku bisa jatuh hati loh.

Lita hanya bisa tersenyum kecut, butiran air masih aja 

belum mau berhenti. Sementara sapu tangan Abi sudah bisa

diperes kayaknya. Lita mencoba tertawa kecil tiap kali Abi

berusaha memasang mimik lucu, menirukan setiap gambar 

boneka, terutama pajangan Tigger, di salah satu toko 

lantai 3 Ratu Plaza itu, masih 24 tahun yang lalu, 

Juli tanggal 25.

|I have a friend I've never seen

|He hides his head inside a dream

|Someone should call him and see

|If he can come out

|Trying to lose the down that he's found

+ Bi, ini aku, Lita. Selamat ulang tahun yah.

- Eh Lit! Apa kabar? Ke mana aja, lama bener baru nongol?

+ Gak ke mana-mana kok, Bi. Di sini-sini juga. 

Sedang ngapain?

- Ini lagi mo berangkat makan, biasa bonyok ngajak 

makan bareng. Aku buru-buru, Lit. Masih di tempat yang 

sama? Aku bel ya ntar abis makan.

+ Ok, Bi. Aku tunggu kalo begitu.

....

- Allow Lit, gimana kabarnya sih? Maaf ya, tadi musti 

buru-buru jalan, soale bonyok dah nunggu.

+ Gak apa-apa kok. Aku baek. Maaf baru telpon kamu lagi

sekarang.

- Iya aku cuman mikir kamu kenapa mendadak ilang 

begitu aja. Tiap aku telpon, kamu gak ada mulu. Aku 

pikir kamu emang mo kabur dari aku.

+ Mmm.. maaf. Gak gitu juga...

+ Bi, ntar malam ada acara gak?

- Gak... ada apa?

+ Mo nemenin aku gak? Aku diundang ke Hilton.

- Hayo aja. Mo aku jemput jam berapa?

+ Acaranya jam 7.

- Kalo gitu, aku jemput jam 6 yah. Ada dresscode?

+ Gak disebut tuh.

- Oke deh. Aku pake hem putih, celana motif coklat. 

Kamu pake rok yah, gak mau kalo pake celana panjang. 

Kalo pergi bareng aku, pakenya rok.

+ Hmm... iya deh..

Malam itu Lita memakai rok lebar motif abstrak beige

dan coklat, plus baju putih lengan tiga perempat. Dari 

kejauhan masih kelihatan mereka jalan bergandengan.

|But only love can break your heart

|Try to be sure right from the start

|Yes, only love can break your heart

|What if your world should fall apart

~Juli 1987 ~Agustus 1990

abis ngebongkar tulisan 7 Maret 2011

:only love can break your heart ~ gwyneth herbert

Worthwhile

Worthwhile - according to Merriam Webster Online, it is:

\-ˈhwī(-ə)l, -ˈwī(-ə)l\

: worth doing or getting : good enough, important enough,

etc., to be worth spending time, effort, or money on.

Once there were green fields, kissed by the sun

Once there were valleys where rivers used to run

Once there were blue skies with white clouds high above

Once they were part of an everlasting love

We were the lovers who strolled through green fields

Green fields are gone now, parched by the sun

Gone from the valleys, where rivers used to run

Gone with the cold wind, that swept into my heart

Gone with the lovers, who let their dreams depart

Where are the green fields that we used to roam?

While Einstein said a life worthwhile is meant for

only a life lived for others.

I'll never know what made you run away

How can I keep searching when dark clouds hide the day

I only know there's nothing here for me

Nothing in this wide world left for me to see

A closed friend told me a story tonight.  She is so

desperate for being betrayed by someone she trusts

so much.  Have passed few sleepless nights without

meals.  Well, I told her - we won't die just because

lack of sleeps and intakes.  Eventually we will be

able to survive, being stronger and wiser.  We are

talking about time and cycle.  A process has never

been easy but that's how we will become someone

shaped through time.  

I am not saying I am totally perfect.  I am just

a norm who still face ups and downs.  What I am

trying to say, life is a cycle, a process of what we

will become.  We have choices, own our actions.

We may get distracted somehow and I won't say

it is easy.  But you'll get through it....

I'm a survivor

I've got the eye of a tiger

I've been training again

and eating my fiber

You've been staying alive

Well I've been staying alive ~ er

If you try to keep me down
I'll just come back stronger
If you try to cut me short
I'll just come back longer
If you beat me at ping pong
I'll just play ping pong ~ er
Give me my throne
I'm ready to thrive
One thing I know
I will survive

Worthwhile ~ is a word ...

There's nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
Nothing you can make that can't be made
No one you can save that can't be saved
Nothing you can do but you can learn
how to be you in time.. it's easy

Recent movie Dawn of the Planet of the Apes,

shows lots of "worthwhile", for a Caesar, for

leadership.  There were few scenes so touchy,

and I just couldn't help to shed tears. 

Let me share few lines here, I quote and add

some personal views.  Credit goes to 

Brian Dodd and Jeff Shortridge:

1. Scars Make You Strong - scars are a reminder 

healing taken place.

2. Successful leaders have options - I have my

own quotes from the movie when Caesar let go

Koba's hand after saying: You are not ape.

3. Choose your inner circle wisely - sometimes those

closest to us are in our blind spot.  They may attack

and stab you on your back.  One bad leader on our

team can destroy everything.

4. Make sure your inner circle shares your vision -

more than one vision brings division.

5. Choose an inner circle who can handle pressure -

one troublemaker will cost extraordinary amounts

of time and energy to regain trust.

6. Leaders must address rebellion immediately -

smart leaders identify bad morale and deal with it

before it deals with them.

7. Trust and unity must be aggressively protected -

trust is the foundation of quality relationship.  It

will take lifetime to build trust but in a second to

lose it.

8. Beware of personal agendas - beware, just because

you made an investment in someone's life doesn't 

guarantee loyalty. 

9. Leaders are limited because of lack of forgiveness -

I have often said, forgive is easier than forget.  I can

forgive, and the scars are just too deep to forget.  But

I can manage to take and move on (see#1).

10. Great leaders bring people together - this refers to

Caesar and Malcolm.  It takes 2 strong leaders to bring

diverse parties together.

11. "I chose to trust him because he is an ape.  I think

ape is better than human.  I see how much like we are"

- leaders build common ground by focusing on what 

unites us more than what divides us.

12. People always seek strongest branch - your leadership

is only strong as your followers' perception of you.

13. Many people follow fear - fear is great influencer.

14. Leaders must have the courage and conviction to

make hard and unpopular decisions - sometimes you have

to break your own rules to establish orders. (see #2)

15. The importance of loyalty - loyalty doesn't make a

leader, but disloyalty disqualified one from leadership.

Those who are truly loyal to you will stand by you

even if shunned for doing so.

Cause I've got faith of the heart

I'm going where my heart will take me

I've got faith to believe

I can do anything

I've got strength of the soul

no one's gonna bend nor break me

I can reach any star

I've got faith

I've got faith

Faith of the heart ...

Again, worthwhile...

Everyone has own preference defining what worths

for or in life.

Here goes one of my fave song and singer:

Memory .. all alone in the moonlight

I can smile at the old days

It was beautiful then

I remember the time I knew what happiness was

Let the memory live again ...

Happiness is one special thing worths to share. 

However I find there is also way that:

Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moon light

Someone's thinking of me, and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there, someone's saying a prayer

That we'll find one another,

in that big somewhere out there...

Somewhere out there, if love can see us through

Then we'll be together, somewhere out there

Out where dreams come true .....

* thank "you" for being there :)

2014 Channel University

This early stage of journey started when 1st e-mail got into my inbox on Wednesday, May 21, 2014 01:50pm.  The lines went like this:

Greetings to all

 FYI, and look forward to seeing some of you in July.

Best regards, Xxxx.

We were required to take few online modules and exam as pre-requirement, followed by pre-work to be discussed during the 3-days workshop.

For united we stand, divided we fall,

And if our backs should ever be against the wall,

We'll be together, together, you and I

There were 22 countries' representatives gathered that 1st day.  We were scheduled to have team-building, interesting outdoor activities, with so many unexpected outcomes, many selfies and fun.  It involved much teamwork, something you wouldn't achieve alone and you would regret if you missed.  I enjoyed 1st bonding being in the group in this first phase.

2nd to 4th day were practically classroom workshop with many exercises and role plays, to adapt theories into practice, I love to remember "compelling benefits".  One joke to note was 2nd day where word "stoned" flying on my head, one I wouldn't want to forget, of course with PC and OC, cute girls on my table and to confirm with AT, actor from AEC. [thanks for funny key word to bring back home]

I said, baby, baby, baby, you're out of time

Well, baby, baby, baby, you're out of time

I said, baby, baby, baby, you're out of time

You are all left out

Out of there without a doubt

Theoretically, all was done on the 4th day, but we still had one more interesting session for the region and truthfully, this session was something worth waiting for [I guess you know what I mean ;)].

And yes, three important notes I wouldn't want to miss out.  First, it gave me a reason to bring my candle back home, to celebrate everyone's birthdays all together.  It gave much love to celebrate the whole world round.  Remember the "stars" :)

Second, tokens from all over the world somehow worked on me as "we are speaking the same language then."  Thank you for passing the idea to share, it is indeed a great sharing among the team.

I am the eye in the sky, looking at you

I can read your mind, I am the maker of rules

Third, I think the bring-back-home words are responsibility and progress, guess these are the stakeholders want to see :)

Lastly, without wanting to spoil all the great mood, I just want to close this short sum-up, all were great, great team, great ideas, great plan, great coordination, great outcomes.  

I thank to great team who has brought this whole things came true! Appreciate the hardwork and effort, you're all lovely souls!

Norah Jones and her Don't Know Why is fading away...

It's now time for me to end the day.

One good soul has asked me more than once:

+ How about these days?

-  Those were great, it's great team you have.

+ Sure? Don't lie?

-  Sure, I don't tell lie.  I don't like people lying, hence I don't lie.

Keep smiling, keep shining,

Knowing you can always count on me, for sure

That's what friends are for

For good times and bad times

I'll be on your side forever more

That's what friends are for

朋友一生一起走, 那些日子 不再有

péng yǒu yī shēng yī qǐ zǒu, nà xiē rì zi bù zài yǒu

Friends walk this life together. Those days will not return.

一句話 一輩子, 一生情 一杯酒

yī jù huà yī bèi zi,yī shēng qíng yī bēi jiǔ

One word, one life, A lifetime relationship, a cup of wine

[I wish to dedicate this song to everyone of us]

and... I tender everyone goodnight....

To Earn

Perjalanan 3 jam kurang lebih kali ini, selain tugas -
memang sudah diniatkan untuk bertemu sobat lama.
Tidak punya rencana neko-neko, karena sama-sama
sibuk.  Lihat nanti begimanalah, gitu isinya.

Jadi setelah tugas hari pertama selesai dan biar
tidak berlama-lama macet di jalan, akhirnya 
diputuskan untuk bertandang ke istananya.
Singkatnya, begitu pintu depan dibukakan, senyum 
yang sama seperti dulu, ceria - malah tidak ada 
perubahan yang terlihat.  Sambil senyum, katanya
"sengaja tahu mau ketemu kamu, aku dandan dulu."

Karena batuk pilek yang kentara, begitu duduk 
langsung dibuatkan minuman penyegar.  Kemudian
mulailah chit chat sobat lama, ngalor ngidul ke sana
kemari.  Lama-lama topiknya makin serius, akhirnya
muncullah "aku paling benci dibohongi", lagi-lagi
soal kepercayaan.  Lalu ada juga kisah-kisah lama,
the untold stories.... tidak terasa sudah 3 jam lebih
dan akhirnya musti pamit dengan janji lain kali
ketemu lagi, atau paling cepat jika diijinkan, bisa
kabur bareng minggu depan.

Itu tadi adalah intro... secara kebetulan, sepanjang
jalan pulang banyak tembang kenangan diputar 
kembali di radio, termasuk Greatest Love of All
dan My Way, lagu solid kesukaan.

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption...

Sambil mengingat sepotong kejadian sore sebelum
dinas berakhir, persiapan perjalanan minggu depan,
foto resolusi baik yang musti dikirim, bio data dan
self-intro... saya membayangkan apa yang kira-kira
akan terjadi dalam fragment seminggu nanti.  Apa
kira-kira yang akan dinarasikan.  Kalimat ini kembali
muncul hingga sekarang:

"trust is to earn, not given" 

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way...

Kepercayaan hanya bisa diperoleh setelah melalui
serangkaian waktu dan proses, bukti dan integritas.
Dan... proses tersebut akan hilang sekejap hanya
dengan sebuah kebohongan....

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But throught it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way....

* July 16, 2014 [thanks for the time and family dinner, Her]

Husband Store

Many marriages would be better if husband and wife understood they are on the same side.

Zig Ziglar

A store that sells “new husbands” has just opened in Jakarta, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

“You may visit the store ONLY ONCE. There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building.”

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have high paying jobs.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have high-paying jobs and love kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.  “Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking, and help with the housework.
“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

orphans make the best recruits

there was a time back to 8-10 years ago,
i needed to add few team members.  we
had vendors provided me resumes and
i chose names based on requirements.
usually, i have my own preferences as 
well, those based on people relationship
experiences which most of the time 
proven to be right takes.  sometimes,
i will let the options flow as it is,
and end up will still be something that
i've expected to see.  not to mention,
it also shows undeniable facts.

that day, can't really remember precise
year, i managed to shortlist at least 3 
cute brilliant girls into the team.
after finalising last interview, i gazed
to their profiles.  eventhough i was not
so surprised as it was not the first time,
again i noticed all lead to similar profile.

long ago, i've noticed an attribute and 
somehow agree that birds of a feather flock
together.

and then i need to really say:
orphan makes the best recruits!

even we are not really linked together now,
all of them are flying high, but still 
close to heart.

i note this down to remember:
i once had 3 best recruits, and i am glad
they were part of my team!

:Everything in its right time
:Everything in its right place
:But 'til then i like it this way
:It's my way
:I like it this way

[single - natasha bedingfield]