marrying the right person

During one of our seminars, 
a woman asked a common 
question.  She said, 
"How do I know if I married 
the right person ?"
I noticed that there was a 
large man sitting next to 
her so I said, 
"It depends. Is that your husband?"


In all seriousness, she answered,
"How do you know?"


Let me answer this question because the 
chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. 


Here's the answer.


EVERY relationship has a cycle. 
In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. 
You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and 
liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard.  
In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous 
experience. You didn't have to DO anything. 
That's why it's called "falling" in love... 
Because it's happening TO YOU. 


People in love sometimes say, 
"I was swept of my feet." 
Think about the imagery of that expression.
It implies that you were just standing there; 
doing nothing, and then something came 
along and happened TO YOU. 


Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and 
spontaneous experience. 


But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria 
of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY 
relationship.  Slowly but surely, phone calls 
become a bother (if they come at all), 
touch is not always welcome (when it happens), 
and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of 
being cute, drive you nuts. 


The symptoms of this stage vary with every 
relationship, but if you think about your marriage, 
you will notice a dramatic difference between 
the initial stage when you were in love and 
a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. 


At this point, you and/or your spouse might 
start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" 
And as you and your spouse reflect on the 
euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin
to desire that experience with someone else. 


This is when marriages breakdown. People 
blame their spouse for their unhappiness 
and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes 
and sizes.  Infidelity is the most obvious. 
But sometimes people turn to work, church, 
a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or 
abusive substances. 


But the answer to this dilemma does 
NOT lie outside your marriage. 
It lies within it. 


I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in 
love with someone  


And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. 
But you'd be in the same situation a 
few years later.  Because (read this carefully):


THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE 
IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE 
THE PERSON YOU FOUND. 

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or 
spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just 
happen to you.  You can't "find" LASTING love. 
You have to "make" it, day in and day out. 
That's why we have the expression, 
"the labor of love."


Because it takes time, effort, and energy.
And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. 
You have to know WHAT TO DO 
to make your marriage work. 


Make no mistake about it. 
Love is NOT a mystery. 
There are specific things you can do 
(with or without your spouse ) 
to succeed with your marriage.


Just as there are physical laws of the 
universe (such as gravity).
There are also laws for relationships. 


Just as the right diet and exercise program 
makes you physically stronger, 
certain habits in your relationship 
WILL make your marriage stronger. 
It's a direct cause and effect. 
If  you know and apply the laws, 
the results are predictable... 
You can "make" love.


Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'...
Not just a feeling.


REMEMBER THIS ALWAYS:


God determines who walks into your life.
It is up to you to decide 
who you let walk away,
who you let stay,
and who you refuse to let go.

(thanks Felicia, for the story)